This sent from my daughter. LOL.

[April 1, 2005 - OREGON Science News, Online Edition]

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium."

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is completely inert.

However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. In fact, a minute amount of Governmentium can cause one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a strange reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. Scientists were
astonished to learn that Governmentium's mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This characteristic of ever-increasing moron production has led some scientists to speculate that Governmentium may be formed whenever enough morons cluster together and reach a certain theoretical quantity. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass." You will know it when you see it.